3 days ago I sat through an excruciating wait at the US embassy just to have a visa issued. The amount of hassle before that was tremendous. Having forms sent to and from the States to my home, sitting through endless hours browsing through information and details on the whole process. Worse of all, I need to juggle these with spending family time and with friends, and continue dancing as much as I can because god knows if I'll be able to do so anymore.
Life isn't so exciting after all. The initial talk about visiting Disneyland, or Niagara Falls, or New York has faded away. What lies ahead, is a whole road of uncertainties. I keep wondering if I can blend well with the fellow IMU-nians travelling with me, wondering if I can get used to the open-culture, get used to the food, whether I can juggle cooking with washing and studying, hoping I won't get distant from my family etc etc etc.
These days I've been avoiding western food, thinking every bit of roast meat is a waste of stomach space which could have been filled with XiaoLoongBao's or Chinese delicacies. I am paranoid there isn't curry or barley in the States. I keep thinking I will lose Aussie friends because of the difference in our Summer breaks. I am almost certain I will never get to dance anymore. And I haven't been to Bangkok, or Krabi, or Vietnam, or Perhentian, or eat Bak Kut Teh at Klang, or seafood at Pulau Ketam or visit Universal Studio Sg. So little time left yet so many things to do.
Everything familiar and close to me hits a reset button the minute I land in the foreign land.
I know, I am over-thinking things. So did a gazillion people tell me so. But I just can't help it. I wanna transport my entire family and friends to the States, or transfer the entire Thomas Jefferson University back to Malaysia. I wonder if this pre-departure syndrome hits everyone who is going overseas for the 1st time (Sg don't count). Feels like I might never get to live the Malaysian life anymore (2 mths a year don't count either).
All the sisterly talks, the IMU-gossips, the hunt-for-good-food nights, the mamak-yumcha's, the late night HokkienMees, the cheap movie marathons, I bid you a temporary goodbye. Temporary because I will return to Malaysia again. Someday. Maybe in 20 years time. Haha. For the time being. Imma gonna be as Malaysian as possible.
Don't get me wrong. I am not emo-ing. I am just paroxymally-sentimental.
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