It is snow white and icy cold, yet I am perspiring. Being unnaturally unable to adapt to winter, the tropical blood that runs in my veins is no help when it comes to keeping warm in a snow storm. Hence I threw on one too many jumper when rushing to the bus terminal to catch my noon bus to Philadelphia. And now,I am sweating like a pig wishing I can just pull off the extra jumper I am wearing without looking like a complete hyperthyroid idiot.
It is the time of the year again, when the weather is miserably cold outside, yet the warmth of family is not present to balance off the icy cold loneliness. Not that I am alone, no. I am surrounded with many blessed friends and loved ones and I am fortunate for that. But nothing beats having family around. Being in the other end of the computer screen doesn't cut it. Staring at pictures doesn't help either. Today this year is the second of many continuous years to come where I am not home for new years, the biggest celebration in the Chinese tradition.
It is not like there is a celebration for me to return to this year. Having lost both grandmothers in the past year, celebrating is a big taboo. Instead, we should've mourning. And yes I mourn indeed. I mourn the wish of having my grandmothers praise me and be proud of me when I graduate as an official doctor being washed away. I mourned not being able to stuff cold hard cash from my first paycheck into their pockets. I mourn the jealous feeling I feel when other grandparents giving approving nods to other grandkids when they graduate from high school. Because I am so much more.
This Chinese new year is going to be a season of mixed feelings. The feeling of emptiness I have since my parents' departure 1 week ago, the feeling of being fortunate because I still have a steamboat dinner with loving friends, the feeling if longing to be home, the feeling of uncertainty in the next year when I am working alone in a foreign place. But on top all,I still embrace the Chinese new year spirit. Because I am brought up by staunch Chinese parents, and well brought up indeed, that the turn of a year always brings about hope, and a new beginning. It brings about prosperity, luck, good fortune, and endless health. Many four syllable idioms in the Chinese saying dictates what a good year ahead should be, and will be.
Hence, I wish everyone a very happy dragon year indeed. May the turn of the year bring families and friends together, bring good health to everyone, and signifies gradual continuous success in ones undertakings.
Happy Chinese New Year.
No comments:
Post a Comment