Closure

It has been a while since I pen thoughts down in this page. Many a times I browse through it, often reading the good times I had back in the old days, but when it comes to actually sitting down to write, I simply do not have the time. The small light bulb that popped up in the middle of work simply disappears by the time I get home.

Today, a small gnawing thought popped up at the back of my head. And it is something I simply could not shed. It disappears momentarily through out the years, but it never really disappear. Although it doesn't really bother me, it makes me wonder why I always think about it. Therefore I think the matter needs some closure, and perhaps writing it down may help slightly.

Years fly by so quickly. It is now Jan 2014, and it seems like just weeks ago I took the leap of faith and hopped onto the airplane to fly half way across the world. I remember the sobs of tears exchanged. If you sit down and do actual math, it is actually 3 and half years ago. THREE and half YEARS AGO. How did time fly by so fast?

Before I left, I had many friends. Some closer than others, some not so close. What I realize is that over the years, people change. And I changed too. I realize I started becoming more private. Started treasuring friendships that were genuine, starting thinking of my future. I somehow ended up keeping in touch with people that I have never really hung out in school, simply because they made it a point to keep in touch with me, and we suddenly discover that we share a million things alike. Amidst my busy schedule, I never really got around to contacting anyone. But somehow, random messages from small conversations turn into routine chartings. And those who I was really close with, cut me out of their lives.

Life in America had been kind to me.  Got me good grades, got me a good residency, and all along I had a companion, a best friend, a supporter, a cheerleader, and now a fiancé. It has also been a soul searching journey where I realize what kind of person I am when outside of the warm comfort of my home. Yet among all good (and bad) things that happen to me, I made a promise to myself, to never let anyone who cares for me down. I loved, I cared, and I whole heartedly reach out to those individuals who we once shared something unique together. My efforts were occasionally reciprocated, and to those who did, we stayed best of friends. But to those who didn't, its time to put a stop to the futile effort. This is it, this is the much needed end of those good moments we no longer share. A full stop, my much needed closure.

I'm glad I turn out okay. I'm glad I have the drive and motivation to pursue what I really like instead of crumble into a pile of dust amidst all adversities. Till today I still surprise myself when I wake up at 430am to pinch myself in the cheek checking if I am really going to work under a surgical residency (both unbelieving that I have to work so early, and unbelieving that I AM in a surgical residency).

Good times, bad times, they all come somehow. We all just need to make use of the best of it. I laughed, I cried, and I do crumble into a pile of dust, but more often than not I have many extending hands reaching out to pull me out of it. I have no resolutions this year, but I have one for the many years to come. I want to have no regrets.